Why are we so stressed out?

I have a saying:

The thing is never the thing.

I try to avoid using the terms always and never, but I have yet to find this statement to not be true.

When we’re crabby, it might actually be because we’re tired rather than ticked off.

When we have a stomach ache, we might actually be hungry rather than sick.

When we cry at your grandma’s funeral, we might actually be crying because we miss our grandma.

When we say we’re stressed out, we tend to chalk it up to the usual suspects:

• Not enough time.

• Not enough money.

• Overwhelm.

• Worry.

• and the list goes on.

All of these things are indeed stressful, but they are likely not the thing. They are a biproduct of the thing. There is likely a larger root issue that, if you are willing to address, could resolve many of the stressors you are feeling in your day to day. Consider these 3 ideas:

We are always plugged in.

Our bodies and our minds require rest. However, when we’re constantly scrolling through social media or tuned into 24/7, 365 media, we inadvertantly put our bodies into fight or flight mode and we don’t build in time for coming out of it. Time spent online has become our attempt to rest and reset - but think about the rotten feelings that come up when doom scrolling: FOMO (fear of missing out), jealousy, anger, fear, sadness, and the list goes on.

Our environment matters.

Personally speaking, we relocated last year and I often explain my stress level and mental health in general shifted as quickly as when you flick on a light in a room. I was clearly living in an environment that I was not thriving in, and it showed. People often experience similar relief when they leave a company that was not a culture fit or a relationship that was unhealthy or had run its course.

We’re lonely.

While I feel strongly about all three of the reasons I’ve shared, I think loneliness tops the list. We are lacking quality relationships because we are spending all our time trying to keep up. So many of the things that we do to fill time these days are akin to empty calories.

There is another quote that I lean into:

Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. -Maya Angelou

If you are experiencing any of the above examples and as a result often feel stressed, here are some ideas of things you can consider doing to complete the stress cycle:

• Eat well. I feel very different when I eat well vs when I head to the vending machine at 2pm and start making very poor decisions of the chips and soda variety. An article from Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health states: A balanced diet can support a healthy immune system and the repair of damaged cells. It provides the extra energy needed to cope with stressful events. Early research suggests that certain foods like polyunsaturated fats including omega-3 fats and vegetables may help to regulate cortisol levels.

• Sleep well. When we sleep well, we are calmer and can make better decisions. An article on Everlywell states: When you get a good night’s rest, your body naturally reduces the levels of cortisol and other stress hormones. Well-rested people have been shown to stay calmer and react less strongly to negative situations the day after a good night’s sleep.

• Exercise. Admittedly, this is an area where I can improve. However, what I know, and it’s important that we all consider when we are working on our motivation is what Healthline shared in an article: Exercise. has been shown to improve your mood and decrease feelings of depression, anxiety, and stress.

• Read or listen to a book or podcast. We have to break the cycle of constantly staring at our phones. According to an article on Today: Engaging in stress-relieving activities, like reading books, is an easy way to help keep cortisol levels down.

Final thoughts: Start somewhere. Pick one thing that resonated with you in this article and think about how you might implement it into your life in an effort to complete your stress cycle.

Interested in learning more about the stress cycle and some more ideas for stress management? Download my free Stress Management Checklist!